Tips

• hangover cures: Pamprin, Coca-Cola and Tylenol with codeine, Gatorade, MacDonald's drive thru
  

• financial advice - always buy property, ideally rental property that generates income, only lend money to other cougars
  

• beauty - successful cougars take great care of their teeth, cleaning and polishing them whenever possible, the cornerstone of cougar beauty. Wear lots of black eye make-up and lipstick but no face make-up
  

• dress code - casual and sportif, ie. Mac jackets and high heels (no open-toes after Labour Day)
  

• party tips - always have cougar food like meat, dairy and dips, lots of beverages, good seating, lots of ash trays and candles, monitor the frequent arguments that break out and stop them
  

• don't ever allow drunk cougars to drive home, gang up on them and take their keys
  

• insurance - most cougars tend to be over-insured although they never make insurance claims but being naturally cautious would rather be safe than sorry
  

• Stock Watch: only buy lifestyle stocks, ie. tobacco and alcohol companies, medical recovery firms, pharmaceutical companies specializing in Prozac, etc. Don't buy technology stocks - too risky. Only buy what you know.
  

• Shopping: always shop alone but get a second opinion on big purchases. Don't ever buy anything seen in a Martha Stewart magazine. Pay cash unless using your ex's VISA.